Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to “stay home” and DO NOTHING? Well in 2012 that was my every day! I was over 225 lbs. and completely exhausted. At the time I was a stay at home “mom and dad” because my husband Ryan traveled so staying home was just easier for me on many different levels.
One Spring morning my husband, the adventurer, wanted us to have a family day in the mountains. What he didn’t realize was internally it made me MAD he even suggested this. He had no idea the mental battle I struggled with because of the number on the scale and how I felt in my clothes. I wore pants and a white sweater on this warm day to try to “hide” my imperfections. The aggravation towards my husband grew when he suggested taking family pictures. He had no idea that all I wanted to do was to stay on the white blanket he put out for our picnic and hide.
I was struggling because I wanted to be invisible to the world but seen by my family.
As I watched my 3 year old run around I sat on the white blanket holding my baby just hoping that my family was not embarrassed by me. My husband wanted to hike and venture out but I “trapped” my family on the white blanket that day. The realization that this wasn’t the first time or the last stung my heart. The memory of this day overwhelms me because it was on that white blanket I realized that
I AM NOT CALLED TO BE INVISIBLE.
I knew that I was being selfish as a mother by putting everything and everyone ahead of “me.” I was empty on so many levels and it was time to start fighting for ASHLEY SHEPHERD. I knew GOD created me for a specific purpose and it was not to feel trapped. On the way home that night the FIGHT came back into my heart. It was time to put my relationship with God, my health, and my personal growth FIRST so I could be the woman I needed to be for everyone else. It was in that moment I refused to let insecurity, the number on the scale, and how I “felt” define me. God created me and designed my days and it was time to start Living on Purpose.
The last 3 years I like to define my health journey as My Beautiful Mess. It has not been perfect but I have progressed forward and accomplished many goals. I have lost 100 lbs. and continue to set goals that challenge me. I am still learning, growing, and FIGHTING because I am beautifully designed.